The Dress

My church has been hosting some classes on Sunday nights and for the past two years, a group of us have been studying pretty hard. Our last 14 week session was dedicated to discovering God's call on our lives. This has been fabulous on so many levels that I know I will need to blog many many more entries about it. But for today, the tale of the dress...

At the end of the 14 weeks, we had a graduation ceremony. We were to buy a formal dress for the occassion and it was to be a huge event - second only to a wedding. I was not looking forward to dress shopping. To give some background - I have 4 sons and 0 daughters. I knew that most shopping trips were likely to consist of me dragging a baby and possibly another older boy with me. I would be trying to amuse an 18 month old by dancing around a dressing room in a potentially huge dress while one or more of the older boys is dying of boredom and/or embarassment. We would all end up aggravated. Not a good time. And then you know I'd need some new undergarment - ugh! Not to mention the cost when Christmas is coming and money is tight.

As part of the class, we also needed a mentor. I had picked my dear friend and true mentor, Janna. Janna owns the cat rescue, Touched By a Paw, where I had volunteered for 10 years or so. She runs a resale shop in Whitewater and that income funds the shelter. I decided to leave all the boys home with my husband and run up to the resale shop in hopes that I could find something lovely or, let's be real, anything acceptable there.

My friend Missy was working so we were chatting while I tried on some gowns. I found one "maybe" dress but nothing knocked my socks off. Missy and I were goofing around picking out funny dresses to try - ones with weird feathers on the collar or ones that were way too old. Then I found this GEORGEOUS dress in bright pink with sequins and fabulous swooping material in the skirt. I can't begin to tell you how beautiful it was - it looked like candy!

I skipped to the dressing room with it, giggling the whole way. Missy was laughing too. I tried it on and it fit perfect. Seriously. It was too long, but when you're 5'1" that's a given. But everything else was perfect. Nothing fits me perfect - just to be clear - but this dress was made for me.

I went out and showed Missy and we were joking that I needed to go to the prom. This dress was beautiful. Have I mentioned that yet? I had a nice time spinning in circles and making sure I checked every bit of it out. The dress had originally been $300 but had been at the resale shop for so long, it had been marked down to $60. So price was not so much an issue as the fact that it was very pink and almost too lovely.

With much hesitation, I took the dress off and put it back out on the rack. I told Missy I was going to stop back in and try it on at least once a week.

Then I went back to the cat shelter area and visited with a few old friends and Janna. I was glowing about the dress and we all were laughing about it. Later, Janna walked me out through the store and insisted I take the dress with me because I loved it so much. I told her that was ridiculous - I'd never have anywhere to wear it. She suggested I chaperone the prom and wrapped it up for me.

Let me just tell you all at this point, that I LOVE pink. The more little men I am surrounded by, the pinker the clothing I get. Even at that - this dress is far pinker than a 30 year old wife and mom of four need ever wear. I got home with the dress and told my husband it was my dress for graduation, with no intent of wearing it in public. He said "Holy PINK!", then pondered a bit and said, "If anyone can pull it off - you can." I was kind of floored. The more we talked the more supportive he became.

Of course, I had to try it on again at home in case I changed sizes in an hour. Again, I was sad when it was time to take it off again, but one really can't vacuum in a gown of this nature. I had my husband take a photo so I could joke with the girls at church about it. My thought was that I would show my friend Lori, who is not a dress wearer at all, and say "Your dress isn't pinker than this, is it?"

The more people I "joked" with, the more people were saying "That is so you." and not laughing. I even showed my pastor, told him the whole story, and he was supportive. When I left that night he said "Better see you in pink on Saturday".

Now I had myself a dilemna. I had this fabulous dress that I felt very unworthy of, less than a week before the ceremony and no one was joking but me.

In the meantime, I had to draft a Life Purpose Statement to read in front of everyone at the ceremony. We had to give the meaning of our names, our life purpose, and a life verse. I had picked Mathew 5:16 for my life verse: "...let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise our Father in heaven."

As I mentioned, we had to look into the meaning of our names as that can be a prophetic clue to your calling as it was for Abraham and Jacob in the Bible. I found that many times, God changed people's names or that the Bible points out the meaning of a person's name - which indicates that there is something in a name. My first name, Allison, means truthful and sacred fame. But my middle name, Dee, means dark. We were told to look deeper into the meaning of our names by looking up synonyms and definitions, etc. So "dark" could also be used to mean gloomy, dismal, black, cheerless, pessimistic, or brunette. I can't begin to tell you how that is the polar opposite of everything I am - especially the brunette part!

We had been told that if we discovered our name meant something bad, we should pray over it and claim the opposite for our lives. Well, I must confess, I felt over-confident that God had delivered me from being dark!

The more I pondered over this and my life purpose, the more the word "light" came to mind. Most of my friends life purposes were about being wives and mothers and their jobs and I really felt God tell me very simply, "You are a light." That is all encompassing for me - no matter what I do, I am to shine His love and goodness.

When it comes to my children, my delight in the Lord must show. If they see that I love to sing worship on Sunday mornings, that I go to church because I want to, not because it's a duty they will see that God is good. When I give my testimony on how God has blessed Jack and I for tithing people will see how He provides. When people see my optimism after what I have been through, they will see how God loves and restores his people.

This is my purpose...to shine. So why then, was I afraid to wear this fabulous dress? I was afraid to stand out, afraid that someone would say something unkind to me because it stood out, afraid that I was not pretty enough, confident enough, thin enough to wear this beautiful gown. I kept making bargains with God, "If I can find someone to hem it with no notice, then I'll wear it." Everything fell into place.

I wore the dress and it felt lovely. I was certainly not as confident as I would have been in my back up black dress, but it was a lesson for me that I could not forget. I felt so loved that I had been provided that dress for free - Janna had given it to me and the lady that hemmed it for me would not accept money in return. All things fell into place.

Another lesson: Sometimes I feel badly for asking for things in prayer. I always think "There are people whose children are dying, how can I pray for my cat who is ill? There are people without homes, how can I pray about my furnace? God has much more important things to tend to than my needs and after all, my needs are so petty in comparison to others and I can take care of them myself and 'God helps those who help themselves', right?" WRONG! I was so wrong. Each and every one of our needs is of concern to the Father and even some things we never thought we needed and certainly don't deserve - like fabulous, georgeous gowns in PINK!

Billy

I can't verify this story, but I'd love to believe it is truth...

It was one of the hottest days of the dry season. We had not seen rain in almost a month. The crops were dying. Cows had stopped giving milk. The creeks and streams were long gone back into the earth. It was a dry season that would bankrupt several farmers before it was through.

Every day, my husband and his brothers would go about the arduous process of trying to get water to the fields. Lately this process had involved taking a truck to the local water rendering plant and filling it up with water. But severe rationing had cut everyone off. If we didn’t see some rain soon...we would lose everything. It was on this day that I learned the true lesson of sharing and witnessed the only miracle I have seen with my own eyes.

I was in the kitchen making lunch for my husband and his brothers when I saw my Six-year-old son, Billy, walking toward the woods. He wasn't walking with the usual carefree abandon of a youth but with a serious purpose. I could only see his back. He was obviously walking with a great effort ... trying to be as still as possible. Minutes after he disappeared into the woods, he came running out again, toward the house. I went back to making sandwiches; thinking that whatever task he had been doing was completed. Moments later, however, he was once again walking in that slow purposeful stride toward the woods. This activity went on for an hour: walking carefully to the woods, running back to the house.

Finally I couldn't take it any longer and I crept out of the house and followed him on his journey (being very careful not to be seen...as he was obviously doing important work and didn't need his Mommy checking up on him). He was cupping both hands in front of him as he walked, being very careful not to spill the water he held in them ... maybe two or three tablespoons were held in his tiny hands. I sneaked close as he went into the woods. Branches and thorns slapped his little face, but he did not try to avoid them. He had a much higher purpose. As I leaned in to spy on him, I saw the most amazing site. Several large deer loomed in front of him. Billy walked right up to them. I almost screamed for him to get away. A huge buck with elaborate antlers was dangerously close. But the buck did not threaten him...he didn't even move as Billy knelt down.

I saw a tiny fawn lying on the ground; obviously suffering from dehydration and heat exhaustion, lift its head with great effort to lap up the water cupped in my beautiful boy's hand. When the water was gone, Billy jumped up to run back to the house and I hid behind a tree. I followed him back to the house to a spigot to which we had shut off the water. Billy opened it all the way up and a small trickle began to creep out. He knelt there, letting the drip, drip slowly fill up his makeshift "cup," as the sun beat down on his little back. And it came clear to me: The trouble he had gotten into for playing with the hose the week before. The lecture he had received about the importance of not wasting water. The reason he didn't ask me to help him. It took almost twenty minutes for the drops to fill his hands. When he stood up and began the trek back, I was there in front of him. His little eyes just filled with tears. "I'm not wasting," was all he said. As he began his walk, I joined him...with a small pot of water from the kitchen.

I let him tend to the fawn. I stayed away. It was his job. I stood on the edge of the woods watching the most beautiful heart I have ever known working so hard to save another life. As the tears that rolled down my face began to hit the ground, other drops...and more drops...and more suddenly joined them. I looked up at the sky. It was as if God, himself, was weeping with pride. Some will probably say that this was all just a huge coincidence. Those miracles don't really exist. That it was bound to rain sometime. And I can't argue with that... I'm not going to try. All I can say is that the rain that came that day saved our farm...just like the actions of one little boy saved another. I don't know if anyone will read this...but I had to send it out. To honor the memory of my beautiful Billy, who was taken from me much too soon... But not before showing me the true face of God, in a little, sunburned body.

*~THAT'S GOD ~* Have you ever been just sitting there and all of a sudden you feel like doing something nice for someone you care for? THAT'S GOD! He speaks to you through the Holy Spirit Have you ever been down and out and nobody seems to be around for you to Talk to? THAT'S GOD! He wants you to speak to Him. Have you ever been thinking about somebody that you haven't seen in a long time and then next thing you know you see them or receive a phone call from them? THAT'S GOD! There's no such thing as coincidence. Have you ever received something wonderful that you didn't even ask for, like money in the mail, a debt that had mysteriously been cleared, or a coupon to a department store where you had just seen something you wanted, but couldn't afford. THAT'S GOD. . He knows the desires of your heart. . Have you ever been in a situation and you had no clue how it is going to get better, but now you look back on it? THAT'S GOD! He passes us through tribulation to see a brighter day. Don't tell GOD how Big your storm is. Tell the storm how Big your GOD is!

The Parable of the Pigeon

God has an interesting way of bringing things to my attention. He will just keep putting the same thing in front of me over and over and over again until the light bulb turns on.

I have been really busy lately. Between working full time plus on a stressful project, finishing my Master's degree, along with all the day to day stuff raising babies and unpacking, etc. I started feeling sick in early August - running a fever and feeling very run down but chalked it up to all the moving. I kept taking Tylenol for the fever and still going to work and school and started a new Bible study at church.

After nine days, I decided to bite the bullet and go into the doctor and they determined that I had pneumonia in my left lung. I stayed home the afternoon and started my antibiotics and tried to rest a bit. My problem is that I am a little hyper and the minute I was feeling a small bit better, I would do too much until I felt ill again. I ended up needing two rounds of antibiotics, a trip to the emergency room, before I was diagnosed with pleurisy, an infection in the lining of the lung. My right side ribs hurt so badly that I could not sleep at night, but I still kept trying to keep up.

In my Bible study, the teacher told us that God is the same today as He was yesterday. She mentioned that He still speaks in parables and shared one with us.

The following day, I got home from work to find my neighbor waiting for me. She said she had found a bird and thought it was sick because it wouldn't fly and had been hanging out in her garage for a few hours. I offered to call some local wildlife rescues and see what to do and we were found out it was a pigeon that was most likely lost. We caught the bird with the help of many more neighbors and kept him in a cat carrier overnight to rest. I researched some more on pigeons.com and was able to determine which kind of pigeon he was based on his tags. I so wanted to see this little bird make it home safe. I talked to a woman the next day who advised me to release the bird and he would go home on his own, but when I released him, he just stayed on our swingset for the entire day. We chatted while I worked in the dining room and he was very sweet company.

That afternoon, after a series of phone calls, I was able to track down the bird's owner and he came and picked him up. He told me that this little bird was about 200 days old and had just flown in his first race. He had been shipped to Missouri and had to fly over 250 miles home. However, he had overshot it and flown 12 miles too far to get to my home. By the time he got here, he was exhausted and needed several days rest to recover enough to fly again.

My friend, Sue, from Bible study had stopped by and I was chatting with her about all the sickness and the pigeon, etc and she asked me if I thought there was a parable in there. I sat up thinking about it all night and found it so interesting that this bird would show up here and this time, tired because he tried to go too far, to do too much.

Keeping the Faith

Romans 8:28

"For we know that in all things, God works for the good of those who love Him and are called according to His purpose."

I have to belive this right now. This is all I've got - my only hope.

A friend of mine sent me an essay that a friend of hers wrote about stepping out of your hole - you know, the safe place where things are known and not scary and safe. There is safety in continuity, but no growth. To step up when my Father says "Go" is terribly frightening. I find myself questioning whether or not He really said that or meant that or knew what he was talking about when He put this on my heart. Did He remember that this is a terrible time for me to pursue this? Of course - He is omnipotent - He knows it all.

So tday, I'm kind of at that precipace - the point at which you've strapped yourself into the rollercoaster and it's too late to ask to get off now and I could be terrified. My sense of logic tells me to be terrified. My comfort zone is screaming at me. And yet, I'm pressing forward - against all worldly logic. With only an ancient promise that He is looking out for me. That he would not bring harm to me. I look forward to praising Him when he comes through with a miracle that I never saw coming.

Good vs. Perfect

Wha-shew! Crazy day today at work and with the kidlets. Had a great phone conversation with my dear friend, Janna who owns and runs Touched by a Paw - a local no-kill cat rescue. It is seriously so energizing to talk with godly friends.

We were chatting about the sermons we've been listening to lately. I gotta tell you, my new most favorite is the Be Ye Perfect track off The Others I collection from Relevant Revolution Sermon Jams. Sermon Jams themselves were my new most favorite thing a few months ago. Seriously fed my hunger and I can listen to them all day. But Be Ye Perfect is a GREAT on for folks like me and Janna - here's why...

I am a good person (not even bragging). I am a rescuer - can't say no to helping anyone. Repeatedly get trampled because I think no one is really mean or malicious. I am pretty charitible and volunteer, donate blood - whatever - I am here to make God look good so I am forever trying to let that shine. God has blessed me with lots of energy so its not even like I go out of my way - its really just my very nature.

The theme of this sermon is to NOT do what is good - for the sake of doing what is perfect and ordained by God. He gives the example of a kid he was mentoring picking up a hitch-hiker to witness to. The guy didn't get it and the kid was upset and asking what he did wrong. And the mentor tells him he did a GOOD thing picking up a hitch-hiker. But it was his good idea - not God's. What if God had meant for him to pick up another person 5 miles further down the road, but the kid had filled that guy's seat by picking up the first person he saw.

WOW! That spoke to me. I need to watch this in myself. I am usually running myself slightly ragged trying to do for everyone. One of my best friends told me to say no - "Just because you can doesn't mean you should" Hmmmm. I suppose its sinking in a bit now.

The guy goes on to say that any words out of his mouth that are not from God are all in vain. YIKE! I talk a lot and kind of surprised myself recently when I heard words that I didn't think I could speak coming out. THAT was God! I asked a complete stranger if I could pray for her - out of no where. Allison would be afraid to say that to someone for fear of being called a Bible Thumper or worse. God put those words out there for me and I wasn't afraid and she said yes and as it turned out she was very in need of prayer.

At best, I am good. At worst, God if PERFECT.

Catherine's Daughter

This morning I donated blood and got chatting with the girl that did my paperwork about my kids, etc. She said she didn't know how I could handle 4 kids when she had a hard time with just one. I asked her how old her child was and she flipped over her name badge to show me a picture of her 5 year old daughter.

We talked a little bit more and she told me that for a long time she struggled with infertility and then she started a savings account with her leftover change for her baby. She was not pregnant at this time. She said she had over $700 in her baby account from just her spare change and she decided to start buying baby things as they were on sale. So she was picking up all sorts of clearanced baby items at Wal-mart. Her own mother told her she was crazy, but Catherine said she KNEW God would bless her with a baby. Time went by and she had nearly everything she needed for a baby and God blessed her with a baby girl. She said she knew it was because of her faith in Him - that she knew he heard her prayers. Her only regret? She said she should have tacked an "S" on the end of that prayer for babies. ;-)

I'm not sure how long she waited for her daughter. She told me she had now worked for the blood center for 23 years so it would seem like she had her at least in her mid-thirties.

Brittany

My son wanted to go to camp a little further from home this summer so we sent him to Northern Grace Bible Camp in Gillette, WI. I drove him there and back last week with the baby and found that 7.5 hours in the car was a bit much so to pick him up, we decided to drive up Friday night and stay at a hotel, pick him up the next morning, visit some friends that have moved up there and then head home - just to break up the driving.

We stayed at this dive hotel which we fondly re-named the Oompa-loompa suites. The bathroom feature extreme tiny-ness, which I suppose was great because we were travelling with kids. The bathtub was seriously 12 inches high and the sink could have easily been mistaken for a urinal. Seriously, I'm 5'1" and had to bend over to wash my hands.

Since it wasn't a four star place, I decided to scope out the free breakfast before dragging the whole family downstairs instead of to McDonald's. There is one other person in the breakfast room and the continental breakfast looks like it's some Little Debbies, Froot Loops, and your choice of warm milk or warm orange drink. I must have had some sort of look on my face because the other guest started a conversation with "Yeah...there's not much here."

We talked a little bit. I have an uncanny ability to either find people who are willing to tell me their life story in 3 minutes or I just am very approachable in the life story kind of way. It turns out this girl was living at the Oompa-loompa suites after being kicked out of their apartment. She was 18 years old and 3 months pregnant. Having once been 18 and 3 months pregnant, I felt like I HAVE to encourage this girl. All of the sudden, out of my mouth comes "Can I pray for you?" YIKE! Where was that from?!?! I am NOT a church lady - I mean, I tease my church friends that we are church ladies, but we are sooo not church ladies and here I am pulling a church lady in the breakfast room of the Oompa-loompa Inn. She accepted and we've been keeping in touch through email. She's found a more permanent place to live and she's hanging in there so far.

He takes my bad and makes it good

My husband and I went through a HORRIBLE patch of time. Ok, a horrible 3 year patch of time when we were first married. We started out getting married while my husband's union was on strike. We were blending a family of 3 boys - mine was 5 and his 2 were 3 and 4. We all piled into my little house that I had bought when I was thinking it would be just me and my boy forever. And then, there was his ex-wife's reaction - which for the sake of my own sanity, I will not mention. Needless to say, with money tight, little boys running every which way and an angry woman meddling daily, it was pretty near impossible to be happy after that first week of wedded bliss.

We made it though and are on very solid ground now. We saw a FANTASTIC Christian marriage counselor and I found the best book of all for any woman that is married, but especially if she has any marital problems at all - The Surrendered Wife by Laura Doyle - don't wuss out at the title - it is much less pioneer than it sounds - seriously...I am the least likely woman to read a book like that.

So back in real time, my husband and I met up with his boys on their class trip to the zoo. Couple of things had to happen for me to get there. First, the ex-wife had to be not going because I try to steer clear of her at all costs. Second, I got my husband to go because everytime we have ever taken the kids to the zoo, he has a miserable time. No joke - every time. Third - we had to find the kids and as luck would have it, we had to run back to the car because I forgot the baby's juice and a van pulled up next to us with our boys in it. Super - now we are all together at the zoo, ready to have a swell day - life is good.

We go through the day and things are humming along just fine except that we haven't visited the Polar Bear (my second favorite - Hippos are first). So we're running up against the clock and we're hoofin' it over towards the bears and I cross paths with this woman who looks like a woman I used to volunteer with at the cat shelter, BUT I think it can't be her because we are in Milwaukee and she was in Madison last I heard and this woman has 3 babies and there's no way Linda, my girl from the shelter could have 3 babies. I think about asking if its her, but start to walk away - thinking I don't want to look stupid if its not her. Something inside my gut says "DO NOT WALK AWAY". So I ask the baby lady if her name is Linda and 3 seconds later, we're jumping and hugging and squeeling and I'm so glad I talked to her. We walk and chat a bit and catch up on the last 5 years which for both of us pretty much revolved around raising babies, kitties and the traumas of breast-feeding. We part ways and I'm just glowing - so happy I took the risk and talked to her.

On the way home, I kick myself and tell my husband I should have gotten her number or given her mine so we could talk later or grab some lunch sometime or something.

We were moving that weekend so we stopped at the new house to paint some more and I get a call on my cell phone. Its Linda. She got my number from the shelter and had to call me because our mutual friend had been talking to Linda about her marriage and some issues her and her husband were having and our friend had been telling her for months to call me because of how my marriage had turned around so well. So we were swapping stories and she wanted to know all about what had transpired to make my marriage so much better. I'm telling her about the book and the counseling and the prayers, etc and she says she's been praying and praying for an answer and I almost want to scream "He's working on it RIGHT NOW - Don't you see this?!?!" I happened to have a copy of the book on order from Amazon and told her I would send ot to her ASAP and I would pray for her and her husband.

I got off the phone and my husband and oldest son where asking who the heck I was talking to and I had to excuse myself and just cry - out loud - the kind you can't even try to hold in. All the sudden I saw how many coincidences had to happen for me to be able to talk to Linda that day - all the little bits and pieces that so perfectly came together. I saw how every argument, every bit of nastiness between my husband and I now had a purpose - when I talk to someone else about their marriage, I can sympathize because I have been there. Its easier and more believable for someone like me to tell people that their marriages can be saved - not only saved - but made GOOD. But I could never do that if we had been like the Brady Bunch. All of the sudden, all my suffering had PURPOSE. All the sudden, all the crying, all the arguements, all of it was turned around and used for His good. And what a priveledge to be able to bring that to someone else and to be able to offer that hope.